It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
they need to just BURY HIM!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
