Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
