ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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