i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize