Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
