Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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