I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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