Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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