But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
