Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.