I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday