her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So many bounce houses so little time
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.