Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
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I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.