I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
