its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
there is glitter all over my balls
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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