i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
