i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
