I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
