She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want her autograph on my taint
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
