You just made me feel so damn special
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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