Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
