I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
