you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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