Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
