you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
