she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
