Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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