I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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