what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
