I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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