I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
