Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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