I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
