your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize