Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
