either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
