I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
