threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
