so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
