So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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