The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
