If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
