i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
