Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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