fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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