So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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