I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
