And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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