I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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