Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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