Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
