God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
