What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
