got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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