There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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