I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Alive.
So much puke
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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