Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
either way he was missing a nipple.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
