i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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