C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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