another moral hangover. fuck.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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