So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
